


it comes and goes (in waves)

by ohkayy



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Like lots of it, allie kinda helps but not enough, harry is just really sad, i tagged it as hallie but it’s really just harry-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 17:49:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20018572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohkayy/pseuds/ohkayy
Summary: “the tide rolls in, swift and strong as it always does, pulling him under and sweeping him away.”oneshot, harry-centric.





	it comes and goes (in waves)

his father dies in january. harry is seventeen, less than two weeks short of eighteen, when his mother gets the call.

it feels like a tidal wave has washed over him, swallowed him whole and swept him into the undertow. suddenly he forgets how to breathe.

/

the pain comes and goes, the water lapping at his ankles some days, only for the tide to come in without warning and pull him back under.

he sees a therapist, but it doesn’t help much.

what does help is the bottle of prescription pills he finds in his mother’s medicine cabinet one day. they’re for anxiety, and he thinks that maybe they’ll help, so he pops one, two, three. the water comes rushing in again, but this time, he embraces it.

this time, it brings him peace.

/

he can feel his relationships deteriorating. every last one of them. he and kelly don’t do much other than have sex, and even that begins to feel forced after a while.

his sister is doing fine. she’s twelve, has a healthy circle of friends.

harry has friends, but not in the way she does. he isn’t close with anybody anymore. he begins to wonder if he ever was.

lately he feels more and more like he’s drowning, but the pills help. they keep him afloat.

/

there’s a brief period in april where things are okay. he and kelly are going strong, and harry is actually beginning to enjoy things. he hosts a party because he hasn’t done that in a long time, and he finally starts to feel like himself again.

halfway through the party someone breaks a flower vase. it’s the one his father bought for his mother.

all at once, the water returns, rushing in out of nowhere and crashing into his chest without mercy. he stumbles upstairs, scrambles around in his mother’s medicine cabinet, and finds the pills. one, two, three.

the waves subside, but he can still feel them. they’re a force of nature, completely unstoppable. they’re only biding their time.

/

he throws himself into school, into the play, into life. it’s may, and he’s graduating soon, heading off to nyu because it’s been his top school for as long as he can remember, and he got in.

cassandra is fucking pretentious as ever, walking around like the entire school is her stage. she got into yale, and she won’t shut up about it. acting alongside her has never been more unbearable.

she asks him something one day, in the middle of one of their weekly arguments. she asks him if his parents are coming to the show.

she knows that his dad died. everybody does. even from cassandra that’s a low blow, and she knows it too. she immediately tries to take it back, stutters out some half-assed apology, but the damage is already done. even her sister looks uncomfortable, almost angry, and harry briefly wonders if there’s more to her than just being cassandra’s puppet.

but it doesn’t matter. he storms out of rehearsal and speeds home, twenty over the limit. he parks haphazardly in the driveway and tries to outrun the waves that are rising higher by the second. he’s moving in slow motion, sluggish under the water’s pull, and he only barely makes it to the little orange bottle.

he lays on his bed and lets himself float along the surface of the water, pretending for a moment that he lives in a world that’s better than this one.

/

their parents are gone. their siblings are gone. everyone is fucking gone, and harry has no idea what to do.

he parties, because that’s the only thing that feels right. normal. he gets drunk off his ass and he pretends that he’s dreaming, which is probably why kelly gets so angry with him. he can’t tell if she broke up with him or not, but he’s too far gone to give it much thought.

the next morning there’s no way out. the roads are blocked and all he can see for miles is fucking trees. he and cassandra argue, because of course they do, and her words make him feel worse. he can feel the tide behind him, so he makes up an excuse and tries to go home and tries to bring kelly, but she refuses and fucking _will leclair_ just _has_ to open his mouth, and harry drives home by himself.

he’s not sure he’s ever sunken this much. he breathes into a paper bag and he tries to find some kind of rhythm, but it’s not enough. he’s got a ball and chain around his ankle, weighing him down and pulling him further, closer and closer to the ocean floor.

he pops four pills this time, and the chain loosens.

it’s still not enough to break the surface.

/

fugitive feels right, just like partying did. fugitive is distracting, and he recruits as many people as he can.

he even asks allie pressman, because when they’re talking at the gas station he’s reminded of that time when she didn’t jump to cassandra’s defense. when she seemed to think for herself. he wants to test that again.

he doesn’t think she’s going to show up until she does, and he discovers that he’s not the only one in need of a distraction. there’s a weird tug in his gut when she looks over her shoulder and tells him that he has a fast car, and he thinks that allie pressman might surprise him.

clark hits her with his car and harry’s heart stops, because just a moment ago she was laughing and yelling and looking so fucking radiant, and now she isn’t moving at all.

but she’s okay. his whispered apologies fall on deaf ears as she jumps to her feet and sprints away, and harry gives clark a look before taking a deep breath. he finds himself smiling. allie pressman is something else.

he thinks maybe that’s why he kisses her. she makes him feel like there’s no more water at all. he didn’t know her before any of this, but he’s glad he does now. so he leans forward and presses his lips to hers and for a second he thinks it’s a mistake, but then she smiles and it’s game over.

the water doesn’t come back for the rest of the night.

/

campbell’s shady, but harry’s miserable. kelly and will are having the time of their lives, and allie hasn’t looked at him once, and everyone is acting like things are all fine and dandy, like they aren’t being forced to share houses and resources and everything else.

oh, and his mother was sleeping with kelly’s dad. that was the real cherry on top.

he accepts whatever the fuck it is that campbell gives him, and he’s never felt this good in his life. kelly and will disappear, and so does everything else.

the waves are back at his ankles again, but he’s too high to care.

/

he hated cassandra pressman. would have loved for her to just disappear and never return. but he never wanted this.

he never wanted the silence that has fallen over the entire town, the chaos, the heartbreak. he thinks it might be his fault that this happened.

after the funeral, the tide rolls in. the only thing that stops him from drowning is campbell’s pill.

/

the next six months crawl by, and harry only sinks further. at first he thought the pills would help, but the most they do is keep his head above the water, just barely enough for him to breathe.

he doesn’t want to move. or talk. or do anything other than lay in bed and sleep. he knows his rations are going to be cut, but he doesn’t care. he doesn’t need them, anyway.

allie comes to see him. he’s hopeful at first, like maybe she’ll come in and forgive him for everything he’s done. she grasps his wrist and he clings to her like a lifeline, and she pulls him up until he’s only neck-deep. there’s still a weight that’s crushing against his chest, but it’s already getting easier to breathe.

but then she leaves his bed, leaves him, and it’s like she never even cared at all. she walks away without another word, and all at once he’s slipping back underwater.

the tide rolls in, swift and strong as it always does, pulling him under and sweeping him away.

**Author's Note:**

> i don’t usually do angst so hopefully this didn’t suck :)


End file.
